Hello! It’s been a while…no excuse…except that professionally, I’ve been suuuuuper busy. One of my favorite things to do is spill my guts when I think it might help even one person out there. Today, I’m hoping to inspire you to practice some pretty intense empathy!

Though I’ve been transparent while writing about the frustration of living with un-diagnosed ADHD, I realize this theme has deviated slightly from my original purpose. Recent posts from my T.I.M.E. blog, while written from a place of honesty, have not been super uplifting. My goal is to take back the positivity and weave it into future posts with the hope that it will supercharge your perspective on this life we live in common. So, here goes.

Everyone talks about a journey these days; “my journey toward healing”, “my journey of change”, “my journey of forgiveness” etc. It got me to thinking; do I need to be on a journey too? You see, prior to my thirties, I never truly understood what it meant to live with something you can’t change instantly. Thankfully, that has all changed as I’ve gotten older. I say, thankfully, because IMO it’s better to understand by living through something personally, than by simply being informed of what another experiences. And as you’ve read, there are a few things in my life that I’d love to change. Some are too personal to discuss publicly, but some I’ve already mentioned.

For me, it’s the lingering pain of misunderstanding that I’ve felt both internally and from others around me. It’s no one’s fault; most people can’t enter into the struggles of others and it can take years to put a name to an inner struggle. “Why can’t I fix what I know how to fix?” “Why can’t you just do “a-b-c” when you know it’ll help?” “What’s wrong with me?” “What’s your problem?’ These are all questions I’ve asked and been asked. It’s not easy. It can be debilitating and shaming to have these uncertainties. So, what’s the solution? I’m not claiming to have the answers; I’ll leave that to the professionals—who I’ve yet to hire—and I’m far from discovering the magic potion that could dissolve my own issues, but I’ve got some ideas for a starting point. It’s not an end-all, fix-all. But, maybe just a simple change of mindset, both internal and cultural, could be step one.

Instead of viewing mental struggles, physical handicaps, and emotional difficulties as abnormal, what if these were accepted by society at large as inevitable, individual life experiences, not problems to solve instantly? Imagine a dinner party where instead of discussing the kids’ accomplishments, the size of the bank account, everyone’s career trajectories, plans for upgrades to the house and car, or retirement, the topics were to revolve around your and your friend’s current personal struggles, thoughts, and inner battles? Imagine if everyone were to realize this was more important than the comparison of perfect lives. Perhaps the discovered commonalities would lead to real companionship and support. Who doesn’t walk away from an uplifting conversation with a beautiful soul feeling a million times lighter and warmer? Instead of constant mental/cultural flagellation, I know I benefit from an arm around the shoulders and a warm inner hug. And who knows, maybe it could lead to less mental and emotional divergence. If I could create a safe place for my friends to co-empathize and truly inspire, I know we’d all be stronger. New mantra? “Everything is okay, and it’s normal when it’s not.“

My journey of realization is not without effort toward self-improvement. I know that my family needs me to function. My new business requires a level head. And I want to become the friend that I crave. But first I have to get out of my own way and be an ear, be a heart, be a shoulder. If I can’t get the message out through this blog post, then I’ve failed in my goal. I know that your life isn’t perfect. Mine isn’t. Almost right away, my husband and I discovered we weren’t the people we thought we were and life has not turned out the way we expected. Our individual struggles came to light almost right away upon marriage. Was it shocking? Yes. Did it require some major soul-searching? You bet. And does it require daily adjustment to this day? Of course. But, that’s okay. Because that’s what life is all about. Not this pursuit of perfection as fed to us by the competitive or insecure bullies, the high-horse know-it-alls, and old-Hollywood tropes. You, just being yourself, are normal. You’re doing fine. It’s one day at a time through this journey called life, and soon the dark will become light. If it’s unchangeable, look beyond it to the beauty outside the battle. Find inspiration in what brings you joy. There’s freedom in accepting yourself and you’ll find it easier to tackle what can be changed. I pray your life’s burden grows lighter.

x. o. Rachel